8 days

oh wells, cny is just around the corner and this is like really my last week of freedom b4 i go into tekong. lots of things that i wanna do in this last week but seems that lots of things clashign with each other. haha. but well, i think things have been much better since like 3 weeks ago when i felt that my hols was so empty and i'm just sitting at home wasting all my time away. God has really given me some meanign into my free time and i'm glad to say now that i feel a lot more free and relaxed, while at the same time knowing there have been breakthroughs in my cell group and in my own personal life also. and seeing pan leading those guys in rj to something new. just makes me feel fulfilled knowing that God is doing His work in His own time.

surprisingly, tekong doesnt seem that bad. haha, guess its just the transition that causes all the fear and stuff. ningjie told me that 'its great'. didnt really expect him to like ns so much. then the other guys i smsed all said that its starting to get boring etc. well, if their life is boring then what abt me arh? haha, i just hoping that my ns life wont be as boring as i expect. what with all the lack of physical trg and everything else. preparing a book list to bring in with me, but i just wonder how much time i have. just pray that God will have a purpose for me in camp such that i wont feel bored or misplaced. Amen! and also for the place that i'll go after bmt. if only if its a book out setting. honestly, i'm quite afraid if God's will for me is for me to go into a stay-in unit. like, it seems like such a waste of time and everything. 

and my personal life also. sometimes i think i can so easily neglect some of these things in the parts where most ppl in church or sch frens dun see. currently God seems to be speaking to me about stretching me in some area. cant really say what it is, but its something that goes real deep into my life, and the question is whether i will obey. and also last night and the night b4 struggled with some stuff also. haha, even though this blog is supposed to be a pte blog but cant post all thise things in case there's some person reading this. like what they say, blogs are never totally pte. oh wells.

i cant fathom the holidays. sometimes it feels like there's so many things to do to the point that i cant even cram in time to like, take a break, and at other times i'm so free that i just want to sleep thru it all and not know what to do

yesterday was a day that i was too free. and sadly to say, i didn't spend it quite the way that i should have spent it. it was such a good chance for me to spend time to draw nearer to God, and to really lift up those things that have been a burden to me  recently, my cares and worries, inabilities to follow the instructions that God has been giving to me, etc. BUT, nope, i didnt do all that. did useless things like playing online flash games and plain stoning instead.

sometimes i just wonder, why am i so easily drawn to all these things? i guess one reason why yesterday i gave in was that i was subconsciously feeding myself with negative thoughts, like noone wants to go out with me, noone has time to spend with me, and so on and so forth. and when that happens, i just want to let it all out through the comp, which will not say no to me, will not do anything to disappoint me, no pangseh-ing. 

feel that i am reaching this point in my walk when things have more or less quietened down after the RAW camp, and its down to maintaining the walk with God. time to time i'll know that i've died down, and the question is, do i want to do something about it and cling on back to God? if i dont, it might just get into a vicious cycle and my walk with God will just not get better. and time to time i find myself having to kneel down before God and asking Him to burn it back in my heart again. its really not easy, but the question is just whether i'm willing...

LAMZY’S GOALS FOR 2009 FIRST HALF – YEAR OF INCREASE!!!

“And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity’ to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.” –Heb 11:15-16

Things to do before going NS in January:

1.       Get the RI campus group started again and begin to consistently meet up every week

a.       Attendance by: Jun Lin, Tian Chen and Samuel

b.      Organize an outreach activity before 28^th Jan

2.       Strengthen relationship with my peers

a.       Try my best to fit in time to meet up with some of them one to one

b.      Arrange a time that all of us can meet up together to share and bond together with each other as a group

c.       People in mind: Donovan, Robin, Desmond, and any others (eg: Derrick)

d.      Give time to go out with some brothers or sisters to do something fun together (like cycling)

3.       Settle accountability with someone whom I can call any time when I feel weak in camp

4.       Spend time to help mum clean up the house for CNY

Overall goals:

Personal walk:

1.       Memorize one bible scripture a week (like what Ps Daniel suggested. Haha…)

2.       Complete reading the bible

3.       Spend less time on not so constructive things (like MSN), to free up time for meaningful things

4.       Learn to seek God in prayer and intercession in all other areas, and spend time to listen to Him

Relationships/family:

1.       Learn to honour my parents and obey them and not be rude to them

2.       Consistently make an effort to deepen my relationship with my peers, and see all of us being able to strengthen each other in a deeper way

Ministry:

1.       See an INCREASE in my ministry

a.       Lead the people who I’m helping to personal breakthroughs, and serve the Lord

b.      See myself being able to be responsible for more people and different new areas

2.       Be a better guitarist for the Lord through practice

Others:

1.       Seek God regarding my university decisions

2.       Allow God to lead me during my NS, to mould me and to bring me to things that I might never even be able to imagine!

year of increase!

i had a talk with joash before prayer meeting... basically an evaluation of 2008 lah, a very brief one albeit. main thing that we brought up was that even though i tried my best in ministry and taking care of the cell group, and learned a lot of things about relationships and discipling people, somehow i didnt manage to see fruits come out of it and i ended up qutie tired and disappointed. then i said that i felt that i could have taken up the chance to rise up and initiate stuff at different points of time, but i chose not to due to my fears and excuses, and joash totally agreed with that. he just ended it with telling me that he felt that i was like martha, caught up with doing things and making sure that everything is alright in my own eyes, like the contacts, but actually God is wanting to talk to me like mary and lead me to new and exciting things, things that i'll do that will break other people's, and even my own, mindsets about me.

through different things that has been happening i feel that God is leading me to two (for now) things in this month b4 i go shave my hair. 

1) to start up the ri group once again. after some time of reshuffling and moulding, i felt God leading me to lead those ri/rj peeps to once again meet up every week in sch, esp since there are now needs to be met

2) get my peer group going, at least to some extent. time for us to start to come together even as we're rising up in different areas of our ministry

a few weeks ago ps foo was praying for me and he basically confirmed what i felt the Holy Spirit was speaking to me, that God is bringing me to a new level. but he added other stuff. part of it was telling me to be humble and obedient. obedient i think i'm learning, but humble i think God has been showing me something during service today. i just saw a picture of how Jesus is gentle in heart, yet victorious in spirit, like a lamb yet a king. 

Although He existed in the form of God, 

did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,

but emptied Himself, 

taking the form of a bond-servant and being made in the likeness of men.

Being found in appearance as a man,

He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the pouint of death,

even death on a cross.

For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name

Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray

Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray

Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray

Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your spirit

So How could I expect to walk without You
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You alone are worthy and You are always good

RAW! (15-18th Dec)

hmm this youth camp really was unexpectedly different from other camps so far. with all the bk timah treks and field cooking and no station games played. style is different but i think it was fun, especially if they hadn't done such stuff over so many times like i did. haha. but i still learnt that twigs are very gd for cooking!

somehow God just moved in quite a different way. there was the usual slaining and praying for each other and stuff, but the difference is just the way that God has changed our lives. very practical and down to earth stuff, i didnt even feel any hype or such after the camp ended. just the feeling of peace and determination. 

ps daniel, though he does move in the Spirit and things like prophecies took place and all that, but he also really in that sense allowed the ball to be in our court. one service he simply shared about listening to the still small voice of God and spending time on God's word. i think it really impressed me how important the word of God is for our growth as a christian and for listening to God. and how ps daniel spent so much time staying in his room reading the bible. its true, God's Word must still be the final point of authority and teaching and it is sufficient for us in our walk if we want to be successful. also the breaking of the lightsticks, when i felt that its so difficult to allow the fears that i've been holding on to go just like that. kinda strange, but its just because i dont know what the future is and what God wants to do for me in my future. i really wanted to hear from God what He wants me to do in the future, but i'll allow Him to speak to me in His time.

in this camp i somehow got to experience the new stage that i feel God is bringing me to. not really 'receiving' during altar calls but knowing God is there. and somehow just knowing what God is speaking to me, even while praying for ppl at the altar. and like during worship time just learning to sing and dance and shout even though i may feel that i'm not really meaning it from my heart. i talked to joash about it, and he told me that he felt that it's about faith, that God is wanting to give me certain stuff but i need to learn to receive it by faith. so yup.

that You would rend

2 songs that have been on my lips these week...

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We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won’t be satisfied at all

Open up the sky fall down like rain
We don’t want blessings we want You
Open up the sky fall down like fire
We don’t want anything but You

Here we go let’s go to the throne
The place that we belong
Right into His arms

-----------------------------------

A rumour a whisper of things long ago
Of Your great and awesome deeds
As I reach out to heaven my heart wanting more
Renew in me my life today

That You would rend the heavens and come down
This our cry
That the heavens will shake and the nations will quake
In the presence of an awesome God
That You would send Your mighty hand
All i want is more of You in my life
As You rend the heavens I will live again

As I humble myself, pray and seek Your face
As I lay down my pride, turn from my wicked ways
Hear from heaven, heal our land
Hear from heaven, hear our prayer