Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray

Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray

Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray

Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your spirit

So How could I expect to walk without You
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You alone are worthy and You are always good

RAW! (15-18th Dec)

hmm this youth camp really was unexpectedly different from other camps so far. with all the bk timah treks and field cooking and no station games played. style is different but i think it was fun, especially if they hadn't done such stuff over so many times like i did. haha. but i still learnt that twigs are very gd for cooking!

somehow God just moved in quite a different way. there was the usual slaining and praying for each other and stuff, but the difference is just the way that God has changed our lives. very practical and down to earth stuff, i didnt even feel any hype or such after the camp ended. just the feeling of peace and determination. 

ps daniel, though he does move in the Spirit and things like prophecies took place and all that, but he also really in that sense allowed the ball to be in our court. one service he simply shared about listening to the still small voice of God and spending time on God's word. i think it really impressed me how important the word of God is for our growth as a christian and for listening to God. and how ps daniel spent so much time staying in his room reading the bible. its true, God's Word must still be the final point of authority and teaching and it is sufficient for us in our walk if we want to be successful. also the breaking of the lightsticks, when i felt that its so difficult to allow the fears that i've been holding on to go just like that. kinda strange, but its just because i dont know what the future is and what God wants to do for me in my future. i really wanted to hear from God what He wants me to do in the future, but i'll allow Him to speak to me in His time.

in this camp i somehow got to experience the new stage that i feel God is bringing me to. not really 'receiving' during altar calls but knowing God is there. and somehow just knowing what God is speaking to me, even while praying for ppl at the altar. and like during worship time just learning to sing and dance and shout even though i may feel that i'm not really meaning it from my heart. i talked to joash about it, and he told me that he felt that it's about faith, that God is wanting to give me certain stuff but i need to learn to receive it by faith. so yup.

that You would rend

2 songs that have been on my lips these week...

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We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won’t be satisfied at all

Open up the sky fall down like rain
We don’t want blessings we want You
Open up the sky fall down like fire
We don’t want anything but You

Here we go let’s go to the throne
The place that we belong
Right into His arms

-----------------------------------

A rumour a whisper of things long ago
Of Your great and awesome deeds
As I reach out to heaven my heart wanting more
Renew in me my life today

That You would rend the heavens and come down
This our cry
That the heavens will shake and the nations will quake
In the presence of an awesome God
That You would send Your mighty hand
All i want is more of You in my life
As You rend the heavens I will live again

As I humble myself, pray and seek Your face
As I lay down my pride, turn from my wicked ways
Hear from heaven, heal our land
Hear from heaven, hear our prayer

God is doing such a wonderful work in our church, i just stand amazed. its just so obvious its the work of the Holy Spirit and whoever is open to His work will receive it.

in the morning God spoke through joash to tell me that i must stop questioning God 'why?' when i face the difficult situations, but rather ask 'to what end?'. i felt at that time that this season for me is not about my emotions or what i'm thinking, but just single-mindedly following the truth and denying anything else that i might be feeling

evening service was even more amazing. i could see God's love flowing to different people and revealing stuff that normally only happen when u go on missions trips. and God did such a beautiful thing in donovan's family, to allow forgiveness to flow and hurts to be dealt with. i believe and pray that God will do the same thing for my family!

post taiwan

Ecclesiastes 1:8b - the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor is the ear filled with hearing

after coming back from taiwan, i just felt so spiritually down. i initially told mingzhu that i dun want to lead worship, but she told me that that's no excuse for myself to not pick myself up and i'm still leading.

went back to think about it, and i realised that i feel like that cos of two main things. one, my family. cos when in taiwan i just felt quite disappointed by how my family was still so cold and sian even though we're on holiday. second, worldliness. all the shopping in taiwan somehow got some materialism into me and made me lose my desire for God.

then there's also prom after i came back. all those feelings of nostalgia and loneliness came back, like me feeling how i've got no close frens in sch and feeling that i dun wanna leave my frens behind, dunno how to say goodbyes etc. and once again really got hit badly by the desire of romance, in particular this girl whom i know. partly cos of those taiwan shows i watched a few weeks ago i guess. not that i really like her or what, but just that my mind needs to have an outlet for those feelings of loneliness that i have.

talked to mingzhu about all these stuff, wondering why i can be so ok before i went for the trip and why now suddenly i'm like that, like almost no desire for God. she said that its cos of my failure to lift my cares and concern for my family b4 God, and thus the devil took hold of them to use them for evil.

God also spoke to me from ecc 1:8 the day after prom, when i was feeling that i have not got enough from my frenships in sch (esp with gals, to be honest). its true, my eyes will never be satisfied with worldly and fleshly things.

now i'm asking God to help me cut the emotional line that the devil is using between me and my family and me and my sch frens. not that i cant care for them or sth, but i also cant let them influence my emotions and thus my walk with God and my desire for Him. He must still be first. and God's been touching me during services, i feel that though i may not have overcome, but He sees my heart and that's what matters in breaking through :)