post taiwan

Ecclesiastes 1:8b - the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor is the ear filled with hearing

after coming back from taiwan, i just felt so spiritually down. i initially told mingzhu that i dun want to lead worship, but she told me that that's no excuse for myself to not pick myself up and i'm still leading.

went back to think about it, and i realised that i feel like that cos of two main things. one, my family. cos when in taiwan i just felt quite disappointed by how my family was still so cold and sian even though we're on holiday. second, worldliness. all the shopping in taiwan somehow got some materialism into me and made me lose my desire for God.

then there's also prom after i came back. all those feelings of nostalgia and loneliness came back, like me feeling how i've got no close frens in sch and feeling that i dun wanna leave my frens behind, dunno how to say goodbyes etc. and once again really got hit badly by the desire of romance, in particular this girl whom i know. partly cos of those taiwan shows i watched a few weeks ago i guess. not that i really like her or what, but just that my mind needs to have an outlet for those feelings of loneliness that i have.

talked to mingzhu about all these stuff, wondering why i can be so ok before i went for the trip and why now suddenly i'm like that, like almost no desire for God. she said that its cos of my failure to lift my cares and concern for my family b4 God, and thus the devil took hold of them to use them for evil.

God also spoke to me from ecc 1:8 the day after prom, when i was feeling that i have not got enough from my frenships in sch (esp with gals, to be honest). its true, my eyes will never be satisfied with worldly and fleshly things.

now i'm asking God to help me cut the emotional line that the devil is using between me and my family and me and my sch frens. not that i cant care for them or sth, but i also cant let them influence my emotions and thus my walk with God and my desire for Him. He must still be first. and God's been touching me during services, i feel that though i may not have overcome, but He sees my heart and that's what matters in breaking through :)