i cant fathom the holidays. sometimes it feels like there's so many things to do to the point that i cant even cram in time to like, take a break, and at other times i'm so free that i just want to sleep thru it all and not know what to do

yesterday was a day that i was too free. and sadly to say, i didn't spend it quite the way that i should have spent it. it was such a good chance for me to spend time to draw nearer to God, and to really lift up those things that have been a burden to me  recently, my cares and worries, inabilities to follow the instructions that God has been giving to me, etc. BUT, nope, i didnt do all that. did useless things like playing online flash games and plain stoning instead.

sometimes i just wonder, why am i so easily drawn to all these things? i guess one reason why yesterday i gave in was that i was subconsciously feeding myself with negative thoughts, like noone wants to go out with me, noone has time to spend with me, and so on and so forth. and when that happens, i just want to let it all out through the comp, which will not say no to me, will not do anything to disappoint me, no pangseh-ing. 

feel that i am reaching this point in my walk when things have more or less quietened down after the RAW camp, and its down to maintaining the walk with God. time to time i'll know that i've died down, and the question is, do i want to do something about it and cling on back to God? if i dont, it might just get into a vicious cycle and my walk with God will just not get better. and time to time i find myself having to kneel down before God and asking Him to burn it back in my heart again. its really not easy, but the question is just whether i'm willing...